So, how to manage anger? In principle, the reaction of anger is often natural, and its volitional suppression will only lead to psychological trauma and deep frustration. Therefore, managing anger doesn’t mean hiding it (what may cause psychosomatic disorders). On the other hand, constant anger outbursts won’t be helpful to you, either (imagine how people around you will react – I bet they, put it mildly, won’t like such behavior of yours).
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Proper anger management means maintaining control of the situation and of your feelings in this situation. Learning how to do it will take some time, but it will definitely pay off.
Here’s what should be done to solve the problem:
1) You should learn to spot early warning signs of anger (for example, tense smile, muscle spasm, hurried breathing, etc) in yourself or in the person you want to help with anger issues. At this stage, anger is manageable. Bear in mind, though, that anger reaction is very rapid, so those signs can be highly fleeting, and it’s extremely easy to overlook them. Once an actual outburst started, anger becomes unmanageable;
2) You should identify feelings, inner conflicts, frustrations and similar things that usually trigger the reaction of anger in the person in question. The fact is that everyone has his/her Achilles’ heel (it can be anything – one person feels underestimated, another one gets angry when accused of being coward, weak, good-for-nothing, etc, etc, etc – the list goes on). Establishing the most common cause of anger will help a lot with its control;
3) You should find words to describe your feelings (if you don’t know the name of your enemy you cannot defeat him). Constructing such an “emotional vocabulary” will be useful because, if you think or speak of your psychological problem, you let it out. And the more a problem is outside, the less it is inside you (it’s a psychological law);
4) Now, to actual gaining control of anger. Here’s what you can do:
• If you feel that (psychological) tension is building up, you can say in your head “I’m controlling my feelings”, “my anger is obeying me”, “I’m successfully coping with the situation”;
• Imagine how you free yourself from anger – just visualize it (discard anger like rubbish, wash it away with a shower, tear it up like a piece of paper);
• Count to five (or to ten), and, at the end of counting, inhale deeply, then hold your breath. Count to five again and slowly exhale. This exercise helps to switch over from the problem to counting and deep and slow breathing. As a result, relaxation is achieved.
Of course, you won’t get rid of anger outbursts right away. It will take some time, so be patient and persistent. Your success will depend of your motivation.
Now, just as I promised at the beginning of the post, I want to recommend you a tool that will greatly facilitate dealing with anger issues. This tool is a computer program that, through suggestion, will allow you to reprogram your mind and to change yourself the way you want. You will be able not only to cope with anger, but also to solve a wide variety of other psychological problems. FOLLOW THIS LINK TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS UNIQUE TOOL.
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